It's the red-hot ticket at Brighton magistrates tomorrow. Everyone who's anyone is clamouring for ringside seats for Casper vs Weatherley

"Cowardgate!" as it hasn't become colloquially known is the last dreg of a saga that began when one of SchNEWS local M.Ps (killer of the homeless and all-round lovable scamp – Mike Weatherley) was accosted at Sussex Uni by a angry crowd of squatters at Sussex University last November when he was due to address the Conservative students.

According to press reports at the time (SchNEWS wasn't there, honest guv), Mike was pelted with everything from eggs to rocks. Curiously though, despite a few arrests, only one man has been called to stand trial for this outrageous outburst of mobbery – step up Alex Casper.

No rock-thrower he, Alex has been pulled up before the beak to explain away his (no doubt very hurtful) use of the word 'coward', which he is alleged to have said to a seated Mike Weatherly, thereby causing him "alarm, harassment or distress" or some distasteful combination of the three.

SchNEWS will be ready in the red corner to bring you the blow by blow account this splendid waste of taxpayer's money so richly deserves.