AND FINALLY

With the impact of the soon-to-be-announced mega austerity cuts still to come, it could be that millions will soon find it hard to make ends meet.

But help is it hand. There’ll be no shortage of people forced to turn to shoplifting or petty crime to survive – and now there’s a website that will pay you to sit at home and spy on everyone in the hope of catching them.

The Orwellian online scheme was dreamt up by Devon company ‘Internet Eyes’. They want people to sign up and monitor multiple real-time CCTV feeds from shops and businesses - and then compete to correctly alert them of any perceived suspicious behaviour occurring. The most eagle-eyed snooper each month can win a £1000 prize. But beware! Falsely alert too often and you could be booted out of the game.

The obvious ethical and moral implications of all this aside, for those nosey punters wanting to feel the power of armchair policing, the reality of watching endless hours of the dullest TV ever conceived while maintaining enough concentration to correctly separate crime from lingering, is tiring and demanding work. So Internet Eyes will reward you for it - at staggering rates ranging from 50 pence for 30 hours hard surveillance work in a month...right up to a whopping £1.50 for 60 hours. And you thought sweatshop labour got a raw deal.

To top it all, the masterstroke is to make you pay to sign up - £2 a month or £13 for a year (meaning if you fail to win the monthly prize, you have to put in eight and a half 60-hour months before you break even). For the company, 500 mugs signing up is your monthly prize covered – everything else is gravy while you sell the service for top dollar to businesses. Ker-ching!

Big Brother is not only watching, he’s fleecing you, you voyeuristic gullible idiot!