Make way for her Royal Majesty! Not content with being the richest landowner in the UK, having a massive jewelled hat and being allowed to eat swan she’s also casting her covetous eye on a slice of prime riverbank wildlife habitat just for somewhere to keep her boat.

The boat in question is the ‘Gloriana’. A homage to an earlier, more successful, Elizabethan era, it’s a gold-flecked piece of Tudor pastiche knocked up for the last Jubilee.  Local residents in Twickenham are now being asked to fork out £1 million towards a boathouse.

The towering shed, measuring 30m long and twelve metres wide,  is set to be constructed in Orleans Park, where a kids' playpark will be flattened to make way.  Not only that, but the land is considered by London standards to be a haven for wildlife, including deer.

You’ve only got until the 31st of August to stick your oar into the public consultation, but residents are promising to continue the fight if the decision goes against them. .A campaign group under the name of Save Orleans Riverside has set up. There’s a petition  and Facebook page.

Here at SchNEWS we are sure that our benevolent majesty has been led astray by evil counsel and are sure she will hearken to the petition of her most loyal and humble subjects.