With global climate chaos, war in the Middle East and economic collapse being just too boring to hog the front pages every day the press have to find juicier titbits to dangle in front of their slavering public. MP's expenses was a good laugh for over a year, but was easily trumped by the phone hacking scandal, horse riding innuendo and all.

But now folks it's time for all out Paedogeddon as it turns out that everyone we ever watched on Telly in the 70s and 80s was a nonce. Jimmy Savile got the ball rolling of course but a host of stars of the era are now 'helping police with their enquiries'. It seems everyone older SchNEWSers grew up watching and listening to was a kiddy-fiddling wrong-o. Some of those children's TV catchphrases will be coming back to haunt us. Twitter is abuzz daily with new wild (as yet at least) unsubstantiated rumours every day. Why don't you deny it Zippy? Won't talk eh?

Anyone who was anyone on the box while it was still 'the box' is no doubt sweating nervously in their Buckinghamshire mansion waiting for the crunch of squad car tyres on the gravel drive. No doubt many had their fingers hovering over the Max Clifford speed dial number. But wait - now that Max himself languishes at the constabulary's leisure who ya gonna call?

This is the man who knows it all - who, when and where all the celeb's metaphorical (or indeed literal?) bodies are buried - who's gonna be left standing if the godfather of PR spills the beans?

SchNEWS has been left in a state of shock by the very idea that powerful people in positions of trust and authority could abuse their status for their own sick gratification. However, we can't help a bit of gleeful Schadenfreude as the cosy media palace starts crumbling around their ears.

At this rate they'll have to take UK Gold off the air...