For handling second-hand clothing...

A cyclist was nicked during a particularly nasty squat eviction on Monday on more spurious than usual grounds of “handling stolen goods”. The goods in question - a tatty old Royal Mail fluro jacket he’d been wearing. The pigs were dead set on nicking someone, and so unfortunately our hero’s efforts to, ‘be safe, be seen’ got him spotted and busted by the boys in blue.

Our man on the ground wasn’t able to provide a blow by blow account, as, in his words, “there was a bloke coming through our door at the time with a sledgehammer so didn’t get many details!”

So next time you’re out at night wear black and mask up - if they can’t see you they can’t bust you. Honest!