AND FINALLY

TOMORROWS NEWS TODAY! THAT ELECTION RESULT IN FULL:

(Delete as applicable) A bright new day has dawned/ a new bleak era of repression has begun. Romping home on a landslide/clinging on hoping for a minority rule, the Tories/Labour/Lib Dems were carried aloft/slunk into Number Ten to take the reins of power/begin lavishing gifts on their largest backers.

As the results were announced crowds burst dancing onto the streets/the nation yawned apathetically/concrete blocks were hurled at police lines in Trafalgar Sq. 

The new Prime Minister announced a package of swingeing austerity cuts, a law and order agenda and a clampdown on immigration