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Lightly battered chicken

Our Pluckiest Protester Award was snatched late in the year by a teenage animal rights campaigner - attacked by KFC eaters whilst dressed as a giant chicken.

Wanting to raise awareness about poultry welfare, Olly Tyler - a 16-year-old from Westwood, Wiltshire - arrived outside his local KFC branch on December 22, bearing a placard and dressed in a 7ft tall chicken suit. The £600 handmade chicken suit of Parisian origin (Paris obviously being renowned for the quality and style of its poulet couture) was so striking that some diners, when confronted with finding a chicken lovable and funny-looking whilst chowing down on a two-piece and chips, responded in the only way their fast-food crazed minds could think of - violence.

The solo-flying young campaigner was punched, knocked over and hit by projectile poultry. One slobbering KFCunt ran up to the 16 year old and punched him on the face. “It didn't hurt but I was really shocked”, said Olly. Twenty minutes later two guys jumped out of a car and rugby tackled him to the floor. A mob of customers had first thrown chicken nuggets (unsold ones do actually get sold by KFC as rubber bullets...allegedly), chicken wings and sauce. "I have no idea why they did it. I think they just got caught up in the hype."

"I've protested outside this KFC before and I was pelted with three chicken wings but this time it was much worse". Feathers understandably ruffled, Olly cut short the protest fearing for his safety, having planned to spend seven hours outside the world’s largest fried chicken chain.

The inspiration for the action had come from reading an article that described the abominable conditions in which the factory hens are kept; as well as, we imagine, watching reruns of Dom Jolly's Trigger Happy TV. KFC are responsible for over 1 billion chickens killed each year. KFC’s bird suppliers stuff the birds into large factories that are filled with excrement and other waste, and within these walls they breed and feed them to grow so large the chickens cannot walk or move. Their legs often break from their sheer body weight, while their wings get broken from rough handling.

Slaughter house workers have been recorded tearing the heads off live birds, spitting tobacco into their eyes, spray-painting their faces, and violently stomping on them. During the slaughter sessions they slit the birds throats and drop them into boiling water whilst they are still conscious. There are online videos documenting sadistic torture scenes in factories. KFC have refused to alter these conditions even after been urged to do so by their very own animal welfare advisors. PETA run a campaign kentuckyfriedcruelty against KFC.

Luckily Olly faired better than a real KFC bird and didn’t sustain any injuries or lasting damage to his suit.

There are 3 comments on this story...
Added By: Anarchiste. - 13th January 2013 @ 7:22 PM
When will my ALF mates get some bollocks and have a go at Halal? Hypocrites.
Added By: Islamiste - 13th January 2013 @ 7:44 PM
KFC sell halal
Added By: Anonymous - 18th January 2013 @ 10:58 PM
If they have not already, then are KFC going to start selling Horse-Burgers?
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