Worried about the economic woes ahead? Desperate to expand your investment portfolio beyond signing on and occasionally suing the police? Well currency speculation is, according to dailyfx.com, a sure way of minimising the impact of any financial downturn on your dosh.

But if you want to make some cash this way, you're going to need an interpreter. "Fibonacci retracements of the U4 - 05/02 sell off at 0.8018 and 0.7844 respectively", recommend the Dailyfx tipsters - who happen to be unbiased employees of Forex Capital Markets, a firm which makes money offering... er, currency trading services.

They go on to tell us that, "The slow stochastic oscillator shows consolidation near the oversold boundary." This, apparently, "suggests a reversal is in the works."

Here at SchNEWS plaza we can't make head nor tail of this, but we have been concerned for some time about what impact the inflationary influences in the economy will have on the price of tea and bourbon biscuits. We could experience a capital shortfall sooner than we expected, so if you don't mind we'd like to offset our financial risks by asking you to send us some cash via the website. Cheers!