UPPER CLASS WAR

SchNEWS slightly cynical eye-witness reports back from the Climate Rush:

Padding, balaclava, anything black. That�s the established wardrobe of the direct action movement. Well it saves on injuries, recognition and wardrobe angst. But on Monday 13th October all that changed with �Climate Rush� � an action which saw hundreds of campaigners attempting to storm parliament dressed as early 20th Century transvestites and Edwardian ladies.

Demanding deeds not words from the government, this cunning band of well-connected revolutionaries got permission for their jolly japes by pretending they were celebrating 100 years to the day since the suffragettes enacted a similar stunt demanding votes for women. (Madness! Why did nobody warn them all this voting malarkey only encourages them...the politicians that is.)

After sharing tea and cake on the lawn of Parliament Square, women described as �inspirational� stepped up to the mic with speeches. They included Rosie Boycott, Caroline Lucas MEP and the president of the WI. Our trusty reporter fell asleep on her travel rug at this point but is reliably informed they all talked about the state of the planet, direct action and how lovely everyone looked in their carefully assembled outfits.

With the formalities dispensed with at 6.25pm, in Parliament Square the Harris fencing went flying and the fancy dress mob went rushing - right up to the doors of the mother of all parliaments.

Given the threat to democracy� you�d have thought the line of coppers waiting to greet them at St Stephen�s door might at least have had their truncheons out. But no. Arms-length and friendly was the policy. �Honestly, you couldn�t get yourself arrested if you tried,� moaned one rioter � er, rusher.

Well six people did manage it, but most of the more enthusiastic moshers were merely pulled out and let go again around the corner. To come back round for more (obviously). It was so safe, the front line were actually sharing cake as the police pretended to control them with stern but polite requests to �Step back. Please!�

At one point a protester got her ankle stuck through the railings (very suffragettist). She was rescued by a policeman who knelt at her feet, untied her boot, slipped it off and eased her stockinged foot back through the bars. No such erotic chivalry was ever provided for the real suffragettes. And 100 years on we reckon it should still be beyond the call of duty.

After a couple of hours of such horseplay, the activists headed for the pubs of Westminster to swear this �was only the beginning�.

�It was eerie,� said a lady dressed as Christabel Pankhurst (one of Emmeline�s daughters who guided the suffragettes towards militancy � firebombing, throwing themselves in front of horses, you know, the more run of the mill extremist stuff). �We were in Whitehall standing outside a pub after attempting to run amok in the nation�s seat of power and a Met officer is offering to light our cigarettes.�

�It�s a class thing,� moaned another corset shirker, whose great grandma attended the original 1908 rush. �It proves once again that it�s one rule for the upper classes and another for the rest of us. If this had been an anti-war protest by hard core activists we�d have been hammered.� No change there then - when Emmeline (wife of an MP) and Christabel Pankhurst were arrested for the original rush, furniture and dinner was delivered to their police cell from the Savoy Hotel to make the ladies comfortable.

Climate Rush, safe in the knowledge that their leaders (Leaders? What happened to facilitators?) are protected by mummy and daddy�s connections, plan further acts of daring do. Keep watching www.climaterush.co.uk for the plan. Dress code: ridiculous.�