AND FINALLY

Terrorists – they are everywhere in post 9/11 America. Apparently they’ve even infiltrated the scouts, if the appearance of one eight-year-old New Jersey cub scout on a Homeland Security watch list is anything to go by (which it clearly isn’t). Young Mikey Hickses’ date of birth alone should be enough to prove he’s more Akela than Al Qaeda.

But after someone is dib dib dobbed in to the security forces, everyone by the same name nets themselves a place on the selectee list.

One step below the no-fly list, the selectee list marks you out for special attention every time you get on a plane. Not the sort of special attention that gets extra leg room and a complimentary drink, however. Instead, members of this not so exclusive club (although there’s no official figures, 81,793 frustrated travellers have so far formally asked that they be struck off the list) are marked down for extra frisking and stern faced aggressive questioning on subjects presumably related to a namesake’s life.

Young Mikey got his first pat down at the age of two and was recently again heavily frisked and searched on a family holiday, despite not even wearing his cub uniform complete with Jihad level 2 and Home Explosives badges.

Presumably he’s training up a rebel network of cub packs who will rise up and unleash a surprise bob-a-job week of terror. ‘Be prepared’ America!