AND FINALLY

LOCK, SQUAT AND TWO SMOKING BANNERS: Mockney millionaire mincer Guy Ritchie copped a faceful as squatters cracked his £6million London mansion while he was having it renovated.

At least a dozen people moved in, right under the noses of the building contractors (I don’t want to know who you use, as long as they’re not complete muppets). The listed building in uber-trendy Fitzrovia (Where’s that? Some place near Katmandu? Meet me ‘alfway, mate) is now sportin’ bannners from the Tommy trinders (er, windows) saying STRIKE, RESIST,OCCUPY.

Fittingly, given that the building was previously a language school, they now intend to open what they call a ‘Really Free School’, offering a curriculum of squatting, anarchy, alternative and social media – but presumably not mockney rhyming slang.

Will Ritchie be makin’ ‘em an offer they can’t refuse, threatenin’ to send round all his hard villain mates – or be popping down to the family solicitor’s in Belgravia to apply for a Court Order?

* See www.reallyfreeschool.org