Home | Friday 24th September 2004 | Issue 467

WAKE UP! IT'S YER BUMPKIN AND GRIND...

SchNEWS
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Story Links:
Vocal Yokel Discord | Gentry Fried | Crap Arrest of the Week | Lab-whore | SchNEWS In Brief | Star Wars: The Satellite of Hate | Security Blunkett | Demonstrate Against Neo Labour | Free Lunch | ...and finally...

VOCAL YOKEL DISCORD

Brighton is preparing itself for surreal scenes at the Labour Party conference next week as thousands of members of a traditional, minority culture converge on the town to defend their sacred right, as upper-class people, to have their interests identified as those of the majority. As the anti-hunt Hunting Bill looks set to bring about an end to hunting with dogs, the pro-hunt Countryside Alliance have exhibited a startlingly lucid grasp of Parliamentary democracy. The Bill is ‘a law which can only be based on the prejudice of a few hundred MPs’, they observe.

And bloodsports fans are determined that the fox’s right to be dismembered by packs of dogs in picturesque, wintery settings should be preserved against such tyranny of the majority. ‘It does not matter what we say, things will happen that none of us approve of’, the Alliance’s chief executive, Simon Hart, warns darkly, evoking the spectre of throngs of rioters in the early morn, sporting Barbour jackets, balaclavas and clipped accents, levering paving slabs up from the roadside to provide ammunition to hurl at the police. Gentle, retired folk doubtless will be watching from a distance, passing around thermos flasks of brandy coffees in the comfort of their Range Rovers.

An Alliance splinter group already has declared ‘There will be transportation blockages - we have all learnt from the French lorry drivers’. In a deft PR move, the Real Countryside Alliance has chosen to name itself in echo of the Real IRA, perhaps hoping to win similar levels of public sympathy as the popular band of bombers. Presumably, though, no-one has pointed out to them that police checkpoints and exclusion zones already will cause widespread gridlock, as Neo Labour’s open and honest government is ushered into the heart of our city.

Vegetarian restaurants are reportedly bracing themselves for an attack by meat farmers and will be closing up shop and boarding up their windows in anticipation of the “tofu backlash”. In December 2002 these pillars of the community tried to storm through the gates of the Commons and hurled flares and smoke bombs during another Hunting Bill vote. The ‘Real’ CA have promised to ‘target backbench MPs, block in their cars, chant in their surgeries and heckle them wherever they go.’

‘If we can’t hunt foxes, we have got to hunt something’, explains Alison Hawes, the ‘normal’ Alliance’s southwest regional director. The prospect of mounted huntsmen pursuing police and politicians through town with packs of dogs is one that SchNEWS finds intriguing. Indeed the CA accepts that ‘to survive and prosper the countryside will have to embrace change.’ But we suggest hunting large, flat walls with squash balls might prove less disruptive, or hunting ping-pong balls with small, round bats. If anyone else has any bright ideas as to suitable replacement quarry, feel free to drop Alison a line at alison-hawes@countryside-alliance.org

Gentry Fried

Still, the bloodsports fraternity is not ready to give up its leisure pursuits just yet. The CA’s tactic has been to take on a number of rural concerns, claiming to represent small farmers and rural labourers, and presenting a simple ‘them and us’ scenario – town versus country. ‘Rural communities who espouse country sports now face entrenched bias’ it laments. Hence a populist uprising of the sort witnessed in Parliament last week by a professional polo player friend of the royal family, a rock star’s son, and a stud farm owner who got a mate to open the back door for them.

In fact the Alliance, bankrolled by many lords and large landowners, is little more than a new name for the British Field Sports Society along with two smaller pro-bloodsport organizations. So when they claim the role of the underdog, the smell of manure really starts to waft. The landed elite who tend support the CA enjoy massive Government subsidy of their arable estates. According to ActionAid’s Farmgate report: 80% of subsidies are swallowed up by 20% of the richest ‘farmers’. Meanwhile the remaining majority are being driven against the wall as they try to cope with inadequate subsidies and farm gate prices lower than those of production.

As one country-dweller complained “The CA draws in a lot of otherwise sound-minded people as they see it as the only organisation that cares about the appalling breakdown of life in rural communities, with post offices closing, employment moving into the cities, and the upper and middle classes pushing up the rent by using the countryside as their holiday home. But in reality they only pay lip-service to them, their main concern being the aristocracy’s ancient right to ride roughshod, literally, over their lessers.”

Some of the media have claimed that the Hunting Bill will be Blair’s Poll Tax. After last week’s ruckus outside Parliament, the Daily Hate Mail – usually right behind the boys in blue – this time asked why the police felt the need to employ the “full hooligan treatment”. Er – force of habit, perhaps?

‘I can’t believe it happened - there was no reason for it at all’, one bemused Hunt Master Jukes complained at the time. ‘There was a bit of a surge and they only needed to say, ‘Steady on lads’, but instead they started hitting everyone.” Another rural rampager agreed; “We’re farming people and it’s like playing with a pal: they push and you push back.” But as one clever clog pointed out “They are clearly not too versed in the art of urban bloodsports, where if you push a policeman your likely to get twatted around the head with a baton.”

The bigger problem for the hunters is they know that the vast majority of the British public want to see hunting banned, despite their announcement that “59% say keep hunting”, which was criticized by the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) as misleading. A separate poll showed 76% of the population want hunting with dogs to be made illegal – with no criticism form the ASA.

Or as one tenant farmer complained “I have lived and farmed in the West Country for nearly 50 years, and along with probably more than half of the working farmer population, especially tenant farmers, have continually felt intimidated and pressurised by the local hunt to allow them over my land. Their arrogance is unsettling and reminds one of the old feudal system. They are a nuisance to the countryside and their effect is a total irrelevance... Not only does the hunt damage hedgerows and crops, but, with its uncontrolled stampede of dogs, horses and huntsmen, it terrorises all forms of wildlife over a considerable area.”

• Hunts across the country have issued an open invitation to the public to come and see for themselves what hunting is all about, on a series of in ‘National Newcomers and Free Hunting Week’ from 4th - 11th October. More than 60 hunts in England and Wales are holding special introductory days; for more information please contact Nicky Driver, Hunting and the Community Officer on 07879 666874. Feel free to drop in or give ‘em a ring to let them know how you feel.

Crap Arrest Of The Week

For being asleep...
Three squatters were rudely awoken by dozy cops who raided their house and then declared they had uncovered a plot to disrupt next week’s Labour conference. Anarchist leaflets and posters, including one showing an axe through the head of the Prime Ministers head were confiscated and three people arrested on suspicion of burglary. One of those ‘burglers’ was asleep. SchNEWS reckons that people who break into houses to rob them, don’t usually get into bed and go asleep.

Lab-whore

The Labour Party are in town and the bad, the ugly and the greenwashed, are queuing up to pay the estimated £1500 cost of organising a fringe meeting organised by think tank the Social Market Foundation. In return the sponsors get a seat on the discussion panel.

SchNEWS highlights include “Gambling, regeneration, and social responsibility: can everyone be a winner?” sponsored by Sun International, a corporation that operates a number of casino resorts in Southern Africa. Peter Byrne, its executive director, has a seat on the discussion panel, but unfortunately they forgot to invite anyone from anti-gambling organizations, or those involved in treating gambling dependency.

Other highlights include Health minister John Hutton addressing the question “Can the private sector deliver public good for the NHS?”. While you’re thinking about the answer to that one, remember that the meeting is paid for by Capio, a Swedish Health firm who recently received a £210 million contract from the NHS. The corporations President will also be speaking at the meeting, so we assume the answer is ‘yes’ before it has even been discussed.

A meeting on Transport with transport secretary Alaistair Darling is sponsored by train company Go Ahead Group. The housing minister Keith Hill will be speaking at a meeting about housing the “have nots” which is sponsored by the British Property Federation – representing the kindly developers who always have those at the bottom rung of the property ladder at heart. While the Treasury minister will talk about spiralling personal debt at a meeting sponsored by the, er, Finance and Leasing Association whose members control one third of consumer debt.

Also not to missed are meetings that feature Home Secretary David Blunkett. Siemens Business Services, which is sponsoring an interesting meeting called “Who do we think we are? Identity diversity and citizenship”, is a specialist in identity card technologies and could benefit hugely from the future introduction of a national identity card scheme.

The plan is clear, those dirty little neo labour sluts will wallow in corporate sponsored champagne and canape seductions, until the greedhead perverts have their wicked way with them.

SchNEWS In Brief

• No Sweat will be talking about the campaign against sweatshop labour at the Cowley Club, 12 London Rd, Brighton next Thursday (30)
• Do you want help in preparing for action at the G8 summit in Scotland? Train the Trainer style days are for people who want to find ways to improve how we work together. Three events happening in October in Hebden Bridge (8), Birmingham (11) and Scotland. To book 0845 330 7583 www.skillsharing.org.uk
• Two Kalahari Bushmen will be in London from 29 September to 5 October to publicise the Botswana government’s eviction from their ancestral land in the Central Kalahari Game Reserve. To find out about talks and demos call Survival International 020 7687 8734 or email mr@survival-international.org
• Big Blether 4 is happening next weekend (1-3 October ) at Culdees, an embryonic community situated by Loch Tay in Perthshire. Some of the issues they will be blethering about include G8 Summit, Permaculture & Community Gardening Class Struggle and Faslane Peace Camp www.bigblether.org.uk
• Rising Tide have organised another Climate Change Network Gathering on 1-2 October at the Sumac Centre, Nottingham. Workshops include: Oil War and Climate Change, direct action training, blocking airport expansion and eco-Housing 01865 241097 info@risingtide.org.uk
• The Refugee Project ‘How British Foreign Policy creates refugees.’ Meeting next Monday (27) Community Base, Queen’s Road Brighton 7pm www.therefugeeproject.org
• After four weeks of relentless picketing and campaigning, 240 sacked Wembley Stadium construction workers, have been reinstated on full pay. New bosses Fast Track Site Services, had demanded a 66 hour work week and tried to tear up national agreements.
• 100 IT workers in Swansea have been on strike for five weeks over plans to privatise their jobs. The council’s deputy leader has accused their union of attempting to “hijack public services.” Er, but isn’t the council that wants to privatise them? 5,000 staff across the Council are to be balloted on whether to join the strike
• SchMovies and Indymedia @ the upstairs bar, Brixton Ritzy, 7pm Oct 5th, showing short indy films. Free/Donation 02077332229

Star Wars: Satellite of Hate

Our O-so-environmentally-conscious friends in the Bush administration are asking for people to write in and say whether or not they think the Star Wars plans sound environmentally friendly! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that the so-called “Star Wars” programme - a series of lasers that would form a protective shield, to shoot missiles out of the sky before they ever reached American soil can’t be that good for the planet. Concerned ‘global’ citizens are able to ‘choose’ one of three options by November 17th as part of the environmental impact assessment PEIS: Alternative 1, missile defenses without space-based weapons. Alternative 2, missile defenses with space-based weapons. Alternative 3, no action. Erm, that’s a hard one.

In a move Darth Vader would be proud of, they would also like to develop a “Nuclear Space Initiative”, which would see rockets powered by nuclear generators. Of course they’d only be using nuclear generators to power their big rockets and wouldn’t think of using their nuclear capabilities in space to “deny” other nations the use of space once they had control (even though the US wrote that they could in the Space Command’s Vision for 2020).

If for some freak reason everybody’s votes are ignored and the one no-one wants gets chosen, ahem, loads more space junk would also be created, making future space flight more difficult. Not to mention all the toxic rocket exhaust pollution that’s already contaminating the Earth and punching a hole in the ozone layer, which would definitely be on the increase.

Tony Blair as per usual will be acting the gimp for the Bush dominatrix by allowing two of our military bases- Menwith Hill and Flyingdales to be used to aid their Star Wars programme. However, US bases in Britain will be used not for the defence of Britain, or even of continental Europe, just for the good ‘ole US of A!

If all of this makes you feel a bit like getting out your lightsaber or joining the rebel alliance then maybe you should get your ass down to Menwith or Fylingdales.

• ‘Switch off Star Wars’ This Saturday (25) ‘RAF’ Flyingdales, Pickering, North Yorkshire. Part of ‘Keep space for peace’ www.cndyorks.gn.apc.org
• ‘2004 – Space Oddity’ - Sat 2 Oct at Menwith Hill Spybase near Harrogate North Yorkshire 12 - 4 pm 01943 466405 www.caab.org.uk

Security Blunkett

Brighton is in the grip of the most high profile police operation in its history with one thousand cops on duty in a £2.4 million security operation. The police are using section 44 of the Terrorism Act 2000 which means they can stop and search anyone in a specified area - but you DO NOT have to give you name, address or date or birth.

Meanwhile Ken Jones, Chief Constable of Sussex Police has said that they don’t mind protests - as long as they are ineffectual and don’t cause any disruption. “Those who indulge in apparently harmless stunts and disorderly demonstrations need to know that such activities have the potential to divert and weaken our defences and are against the law. Lawful protest will, of course, be facilitated.” Yeah, right.

Demonstrate Against Neo-Labour

Sunday (26) Gatecrash Labour’s Party. Non-Violent Direct Action. Meet 1pm at War Memorial, Old Steine, Brighton. 07891 405923 Gatecrashing2004@hotmail.com
Trade justice gathering, 1pm Brighton Beach
Wednesday (29) ‘Warmonger out of Brighton’. Assemble at the Peace Statue on Brighton/Hove seafront 12 noon www.safp.org.uk

Free Lunch

The Countryside Alliance are having tea and biscuits at The Old Ship Hotel on King’s Road, Brighton next Tuesday (28th) AT 12.30pm. Gatecrashers welcome. (Shut the gate after you, please.)

If you fancy a free tipple and a quick snack, drop into the Foreign Polcy Centre’s “Stability and Democracy in Iraq” shindig at The Best Western Hotel, 143 King’s Road, Brighton, on Monday 27th at 12.30pm

The British Association of Shooting and Conservation (does that involve gunning down property developers?) are having a little soiree on the King’s Terrace, at the Grand Hotel on Brighton seafront at 6pm, Monday 27th. Let’s pop down and give em it with both barrels.

After this little lot you should be well fed, tanked up and on the hunt for some just desserts

...and finally...

Fancy a cuppa? Taiwanese people are being told to drink less tea to pay for a huge arms deal with the USA costing US$18 billion (S$30.4 billion). The Defense Ministry has put together a leaflet urging millions of Taiwanese to drink less of their traditional pearl tea, so they can put the money towards the military hardware instead! The pamphlet shows a cartoon boy holding a giant plastic cup of tea next to photographs of a submarine, Patriot anti-missile sytems and submarine-hunting aircraft.

‘We can buy top-notch equipment to protect our country (if) everyone drinks one less pearl milk tea every week,’ the ministry said. Opposition parties have vowed to block the defense budget, saying the money should be spent on education and welfare.

‘It’s very sad that we have to use the milk tea analogy to seek support for the arms purchase,’ Defence Minister Lee Jye told Parliament.

‘But we hope to use the simplest terms to tell people that the arms budget is not too big,’ he added. Try telling that to the 26% of Taiwanese who live below the poverty line.

Disclaimer
SchNEWS warns all pinko commies...we’re not yellow coz we’re gonna paint the town red, and the boys in blue ain’t gonna stop us. Honest!

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