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Home | Satire

Privatisation
Including gentrification and corporatisation. See also Globalisation, Latin America, Supermarkets/Food Production

 

 
Postman Pat goes on strike
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6th November 2009 | Issue 698 - POST APOCALYPSE - as the posties go on strike at a round of cutbacks designed to prepare the Royal Mail for privatisation.

 
 
 
 
The Wembley protest camp against the privatised 'City Academy' school is down but not out
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18th July 2008 | Issue 640 - DOWN, WEMBLEY WAY - Despite the protest camp in the shadows of the Wembley stadium being evicted, protests against the privatised 'City Academy' school continues...

 
 
 
 
Privatising Nemo
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19th October 2007 | Issue 607 - SPLASH THE CASH - as investment sharks in the UK enjoy the thrill of water sports...

Last week investment Bank JP Morgan part purchased Southern Water. With a captive and always thirsty customer base of 6.6 million people, the company's going to be raking in more than £1.5bn per year...

 
 
 
 
Privatisation of prisons
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28th September 2007 | Issue 604 - Prison privatisation

 
 
 
 
Water privatisation

17th March 2006 | Issue 536 - WATER TORTURE - Privatisation leaves us high and dry...

Corporations have to splash out billions every year to persuade us to buy unneeded crap. But no such problems exist when they have a grip on more essential, life-sustaining, natural resources, like water.

 
 
 
 
Live And Let PFI
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24th February 2006 | Issue 533 - MoD PLC - Arms trade. Government sweeteners. Tax havens. Dodgy corporations making a killing. Directors paying themselves a packet. Ridiculous company names. Welcome to Neo Labour’s first full blown privatisation - QinetiQ, the arms research group.

 
 
 
 
Gordon The Gravy Train
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3rd February 2006 | Issue 530 - CHARITY BALLS - As Neo-Labour turns to the 'third sector' - the voluntary sector - to do the social work it won't pay for.

"An alliance of neo-labour ideologues and ambitious managers in the voluntary sector are embarking on a process that will eventually return social welfare to the 19th century with private businesses making money out of poverty... and many bigger charities now see privatisation as a way of increasing their own power and influence."

 

BAe sponsor university students
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18th November 2005 | Issue 521 - LOOSING THEIR FACULTIES - UK Universities are increasingly turning to the corporate sector, including the arms industry, to sustain themselves financially. Currently 67 UK universities hold significant investments in arms companies, and in return arms companies are investing in universities, which involves sponsoring departments and research.

 
 
 
ID Cards
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21st October 2005 | Issue 517 - UNDER THE KNIFE - NHS privatisation: the big carve up.

"The Department of Health now have a special marketing advice agency, the “Insight Unit”, to help hospitals ‘sell’ their services. The NHS chief executive, Nigel Crisp, proclaimed that foundation trusts “should adopt the same marketing techniques as Tesco in their bids to win customers in the new choice-based NHS market”...

 
 
 
 
Gate Gourmet workers strike

2nd September 2005 | Issue 510 - AIR STRIKES - The story of the Gate Gourmet workers at Heathrow - sacked as the company tried to impose low-pay contracts on them, is both a story about corporations squeezing workers in the 'outsourcing' game, as well as the way trade unions in Britain since Thatcher are the weakest in Europe.

 
 
 
 
Tesco - every little hurts

16th April 2005 | Issue 493 - TESCOPOLY - “Where does the money come from to pay Tesco Boss, Terry Leahy? From producers and consumers; the cheaper he can buy from producers and the more he can get from consumers the more money he has for his shareholders and of course for himself.” - John Turner, Lincolnshire Farmer

 
 
 
 
School privatisation

23rd July 2004 | Issue 463 - PAY AS YOU LEARN - Neo Labour have announced their five year plan for education, to end the comprehensive schools system and replace it with specialist schools, foundation schools and city academies. This “new breed” of schools will give greater freedoms for headteachers to set everything from the wages they pay their teachers to what sort of kids are allowed in the school, and give parents more ‘choice’ where they send their kids. It will also open the back door even further for private companies to get involved in education...

 
 
 
 
Green Goddesses

7th November 2003 | Issue 430 - POSTIE MORTEM - With the posties on wildcat strikes, and the firemen out on strike, SchNEWS was wondering if the 'Green Goddesses' - the old army fire engines - would be employed to do the mail deliveries as well as the fire fighting service.

 
 
 
 
Corporatisation of rock
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10th October 2003 | Issue 426 - MUSICAL SHARES - The worldwide music industry is now controlled by five major corporations who took the grip in the 1990's. Hence the vacuous, market-driven pop on the radio since...

 
 
 
 
Rentokil to take over the running of hospitals
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9th May 2003 | Issue 404 - SHAKY FOUNDATIONS - After bombing Iraq it’s back to bread and butter issues for Neo Labour – flogging off our public services to the lowest bidder...

When Blair talks about modernisation read privatisation - which has already been the fate of 50 NHS hospitals handed over to companies like Jarvis, Tarmac, Siemens and Rentokil thanks to the Private Finance Initiative (PFI) In a study of the first 15 hospitals put under the PFI operating table a third of hospital beds have so far been amputated.

 
 
 
 
Water Privatisation

21st June 2002 | Issue 360 - CHOKER-COLA - As all SchNEWS readers will no doubt know the Coca-Cola Company “exists to benefit and refresh everyone it touches.” Which will come as great news to the villagers in the Kerala State of India who, thanks to one of Coca-Cola’s ‘refreshing’ factories, are suffering water contamination and shortages.

 
 
 
 
Privatisation of education

14th December 2001 | Issue 335 - CASH FOR CONNEXIONS - “Connexions is just one corner of a well-designed jigsaw puzzle which, when complete, will reveal a picture of education from which all freedom, all notions of public service and accountability to an electorate have vanished. The family silver is long gone, and now our children are being sold off.” Action on Rights for Children in education (ARCH)

 
 
 
 
Planet for Auction
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23rd March 2001 | Issue 298 - TRADE JAZZ -
- “The World Trade Organisation’s position at present amounts to asking poor nations to trust them as honest brokers. Given their record, this is a bit like the big bad wolf telling Little Red Riding Hood, ‘Sorry about your granny. Why don’t you pop over for lunch?’” - Gary Younge

 
 
 
 
Bimbos
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9th March 2001 | Issue 296 - PROFITBEERING! -
- Venture capitalists are buying up all the pubs, and turning the sorts of boozers which were hubs for communities into posh bars for yuppies.

 
 
 
 
Privatisation of education

8th December 2000 | Issue 286 - MIND THE GAT! - The General Agreement on the Trades in Services (GATS) is all about removing 'unwanted barriers to trade' - such as workers rights, environmental concerns etc - allowing for the free-market global sell-off of everything from water to any other national service.

 
 
 

 
SchNEWS, c/o Community Base, 113 Queens Rd, Brighton, BN1 3XG, England
Phone/Fax: +44 (0)1273 685913
email: schnews@brighton.co.uk

@nti copyright - information for action - copy and distribute!

 

OTHER SATIRE
Spoofs

Jolly Roger Press
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Jolly Roger Press -
SchNEWS's take on an anarchist publishing house catalogue produced for the Anarchist Bookfair, Issue 608 - October 2007 (Download PDF - 970kb)

Blair Mugshot
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Blair Charge Sheet
- as Blair leaves, we look at his record - Issue 594, June 2007 (Click Here)

Rave Casualty Support Group
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Barrio Social Centre - What's On Guide - SchNEWS looks at a typical British social centre. Issue 573 - Jan 2007. (Download PDF - 220kb)

Upper Crust - from the spoof festival guide
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Spoof Festival Guide
- close to the bone parody of UK festival scene produced for Big Green Gathering, Issue 553 - August 2006. (Download PDF - 2.2meg)

Winston get a mohawk - Mayday 2000
SchNEWS Worst Britain
- produced for the Peace De Resistance book in 2003 (Click Here)


Are You Really Green? - questionnaire produced for the Big Green Gathering 2007 (not yet available)