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Home | Satire

Police
Including Legal/Justice System. See also ID Cards-Privacy Smash EDO Campaign Climate Camp Prisons

 
 
 
 
Won't The Real Flash Shady Please Stand Up?
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21st January 2011 | Issue 755 - INTER-NETCU - During the media frenzy around Mark Kennedy, the police infiltrator who spent seven years undercover in the UK protest scene, SchNEWS opens up the can of worms that is the lists of posting made on Indymedia coming from a police internet server.

 

Policeman takes a wiki-leak
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14th January 2011 | Issue 754 - AND FINALLY - A controversial new art installation has not been going down a bomb with German cops in Dresden. ‘Petra’ is a lifesize model of a female riot cop in full armour squatting down, trousers akimbo, relieving herself on the floor. The ‘piss de resistance’ is a yellowish pool of liquid puddling at her feet. Police are extremely pissed off...


Student protests
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11th November 2010 | Issue 747 - LOSING THEIR FACULTIES - Student protests laugh all the way to Millbank as the windows are taken out of Tory HQ in the largest student demo in memory kicks off in central London.


Policeman who murdered Ian Thomlinson will not face charges
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23rd July 2010 | Issue 732 - GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER - major whitewash as the policeman who murdered innocent bystander Ian Thomlinson during the London G20 protests in April 2009 will not face charges.


Chairman Mao reads the G20 Policing report - and thinks the Met Police were very restrained only killing one man.
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10th July 2009 | Issue 683 - BOBBIES ON THE BLEAT - The HMIC (Her Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary) report about the policing of the G20 protests - called ‘Adapting To Protest’ - is more concerned about public perception of the police rather than the police actions themselves, which saw one innocent bystander killed and other police violence - all caught on camera.


It's a load of horseshit - a conclusion to the G20 Policing report
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10th July 2009 | Issue 683 - BOBBIES ON THE BLEAT - Here’s an actual page from the G20 police report, wrapping up many pages of lucid argument and rigorous research. But just what is that pile of brown stuff next to the word ‘conclusion’? Under magnification, we can clearly see that it is in fact a well chosen visual metaphor to sum up the report. It’s all complete horseshit.


Police make attempts to prevent the spread of Swine Flu
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1st May 2009 | Issue 674 - SWINE FLU - With Sussex police promising a big contingent for Smash EDO's Mayday demo in Brighton, it is feared that they could unleash an outbreak of swine flu.


Now That's What I Call A Police State
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17th April 2009 | Issue 672 - PATHOLOGICAL LIARS - Ian Thomlinson is killed by police during the G20 Protests in central London - and he wasn't even on the demo, he was a newpaper seller trying to escape the police cordon to get home. Now That's What I Call A Police State!


It Aint Half Hot, Mbm...
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17th October 2008 | Issue 651- PEPPERAZZI - Smash EDO's second mass demo, Shut ITT, goes off with a bang and a cloud of pepper spray...


We Come In Peace
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5th September 2008 | Issue 645 - UNCONVENTIONAL - The Republican Convention in St Pauls Minnesota saw large protests, and a huge police operation...


There'll be teargas before bedtime
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5th September 2008 | Issue 645 - UNCONVENTIONAL


Police over the top at RNC, St Pauls, Minnesota
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5th September 2008 | Issue 645 - UNCONVENTIONAL

 
 
 
Sussex Police unveil glossy new look
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6th June 2008 | Issue 634- IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE - SchNEWS coverage of Smash EDO's national demo in Brighton on June 4th, the Carnival Against The Arms Trade. This image depicts a policeman covered in white paint...

 
 
 
 
Sussex Police Film Promotion Agency
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28th March 2008 | Issue 626 - VERGE ON THE ROAD - The first leg of the Smash EDO tour over the last week has taken in Oxford, Bath, Hereford and finished up at Bristol’s Kebele social centre. According to movie director Steve Bishop, “The whole things has been massively energised by Sussex Police’s cack-handed attempt at censorship – so cobblers / bollocks to them basically. Venue organisers have been surprised at the turn outs – obviously huge credit has to go to everyone who organised a screening at short notice.”

 
 
 
 
Whoops, Sarge, we just shot somebody dead...
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8th Feb 2008 | Issue 619 -COUNTER PUNCH - as SchNEWS rounds up the usual suspeces in another crackdown...
Just when they thought that you weren’t looking, Neo Labour is have another bash at any piddling law getting in the way of their crackdown on er ‘terrorists’. This time the Counter Terrorism Bill proposes to introduce a range of new powers to share (or lose) data, imprison people without charge for longer periods of time and generally broaden the meaning of the word ‘terrorism’ and the police’s power to do whatever they want about it.

 
 
Stop-n-search Card
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1st Feb 2008 | Issue 618 - CHANGE OF P.A.C.E.
Sweeping changes to the legal aid system are going to mean that thousands who find themselves dragged into the legal system are going to find themselves without proper legal advice: instead of being offered a solicitor of your choice, you will now be put onto a 'call centre' not answered by trained legal advisors, but often ex-police.

 
 
 
 
Police reveal stitch-up in
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1st June 2007 | Issue 590 - PIG IGNORANCE - Charges dropped as Oxford cops accidently tape themselves - Fourteen campaigners against the Oxford Animal lab, charged with various public order offences, walked free on May 30th after revelations of a police stitch-up. During the trial, a transcript of a dictaphone tape recorded by the cop's Tactical Advisor on the day was presented as evidence by the defence. The hour-long tape conclusively shows that Thames Valley Police are conspiring with Oxford University to smash the campaign.

 
 
 
 
Brian Paddick leaves the police force
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4th May 2007 | Issue 586 - As South London policeman Brian Paddick leaves the force... or was he pushed?

 
 
 
 
2007AD -  Judgements to Dredd...
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23rd March 2007 | Issue 581 - PUTTING ON THE WRITS - SchNEWS looks at the Prevention Of Harassment Act 1997 - originally presented as protecting vulnerable people from stalkers, but being put into use by private interests to create injunctions stopping protesters. “The whole point of the injunctions is to use the veneer of combating extremism to crackdown on legitimate protest. These injunctions have no impact on those committed to illegal courses of action, they’re a way of cracking down on the most effective protest movement in the UK” - Dr Max Gastone.

 
 
 
 
Crap Arrest Of The Week copper
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CRAP ARREST OF THE WEEK COPPER - Here it is - that 'crap arrest' moment we've been searching for for ten years - courtesy of a friendly copper at the 2005 Big Green Gathering.

This is a still from a hilarious short film - Click Here To Download (approx 30 secs, 1.3meg, Quicktime format, September 2005)

 
 
 
 

19th August 2005 | Issue 508 - BLAIR FACED LIES - “We demand a full and speedy public inquiry into Jean’s murder. We believe that the web of deceit that was spun by the Metropolitan Police means that Sir Iain Blair’s position is now untenable and he should resign immediately. Furthermore we believe that it is inconceivable that the Home Office and government were not aware of these circumstances. They failed not only to counter the lies in the public domain but actively counselled against Jean by press releasing details of his visa status on the day of his funeral” - Justice for Jean Charles Menezes campaign

 
 
 
 
Mayday Monopoly 2001
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4th May 2001 | Issue 303 - THREE THOUSAND CRAP ARRESTS - After all the media hype and threats of rubber bullets, about 5,000 anti-capitalist protestors turned out to play Mayday Monopoly in London. Police did what they do best, herding people and bashing skulls, but yer suicidal SchNEWS hacks were still there, dodging the video cameras and truncheon blows to bring you the true story.

 
 
 
 
I'm sick of your middle-of-the-road politics

8th November 2002 | Issue 380 - ASSAULT AND PEPPER - Thousands took part in last Thursday’s nationwide day of action against the threat of war on Iraq. In Brighton, SchNEWS joined in with hundreds of others for the best bit of direct action on the city streets since the heady days of Reclaim The Streets parties way back in 1996.

 
 
 
 
repetitive beats
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‘Wholly or predominantly characterised by
the emission of a succession of repetitive beats.’

 
 
 

 

 

I've Met The Met
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I've Met The Met - And I've Got The Bruises To Prove It. This old school graphic was used in Issue 5, 12th January 1995, but it's nicked from whoever did it.
 
 
 

  SchNEWS, c/o Community Base, 113 Queens Rd, Brighton, BN1 3XG, England
Phone/Fax: +44 (0)1273 685913
email: schnews@brighton.co.uk

@nti copyright - information for action - copy and distribute!

 

OTHER SATIRE
Spoofs

Jolly Roger Press
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Jolly Roger Press -
SchNEWS's take on an anarchist publishing house catalogue produced for the Anarchist Bookfair, Issue 608 - October 2007 (Download PDF - 970kb)

Blair Mugshot
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Blair Charge Sheet
- as Blair leaves, we look at his record - Issue 594, June 2007 (Click Here)

Rave Casualty Support Group
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Barrio Social Centre - What's On Guide - SchNEWS looks at a typical British social centre. Issue 573 - Jan 2007. (Download PDF - 220kb)

Upper Crust - from the spoof festival guide
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Spoof Festival Guide
- close to the bone parody of UK festival scene produced for Big Green Gathering, Issue 553 - August 2006. (Download PDF - 2.2meg)

Winston get a mohawk - Mayday 2000
SchNEWS Worst Britain
- produced for the Peace De Resistance book in 2003 (Click Here)


Are You Really Green? - questionnaire produced for the Big Green Gathering 2007 (not yet available)