Home | Satire

Animal Rights
includes vivisection, fox hunting, fur trade

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16th October 2009 | Issue 695 - KICKING UP A STINK - In a rare SchNEWS advertorial, Cosmetics manufacturer Lush have released a new soap called Fabulous Mrs Fox – on sale from now ‘til Boxing Day. Every penny of the profits is set to be spent on funding sab groups up and down the country as they disrupt bloodsports.

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21st August 2009 | Issue 688 - STOCK HORROR AT HLS - Huntingdon Life Sciences (HLS), the largest animal testing lab in Europe, are hitting the financial skids - thanks to campaigning which has targeted bankers and investors. (NB - incase you don't get this joke: it's a LOLBUNNY, a bit like a LOLCAT. Look on the web - they're pictures of cute animals with cute text-speak captions).

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14th November 2008 | Issue 655- Things just go from bad to worse for spoiled brat Otis Ferry. The rabidly pro-hunt Z-list celeb has been on remand for eight weeks, and this could stretch out to being inside for six months - until his trial on March 9th 2009. His crime? Attacking a hunt monitor and stealing their camera back, and - even more seriously - attempting to nobble a witness, perverting the course of justice.

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24th October 2008 | Issue 652- CIBA PUNKS - Animal rights campaigners do a banner drop against Ciba Vision, the contact lens company, in protest against their use of animal experiments, and end up getting their house raided and arrested for 'conspiracy to blackmail'...

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27th June 2008 | Issue 637- HOUNDED - Fox hunting has been banned in Britain - hasn't it? Yes it has but it still goes on, as blood-thirsty toffs assert their 'rights' - as the 'ruling class' - to be above the law. Now, they are taking out high court injunctions - under Protection Against Harassment Laws - on those who are monitoring the hunts.

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7th March 2008 | Issue 623 - BUNCH OF HUNTS - “It’s pretty much business as usual hunt sabbing in the fields of rural England, three years after the hunting ban came into force - if you can call it a ban; week in week out we see hunts chasing and killing foxes in direct violation of the ban.” - H.S.A. Press Officer

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18th January 2008 | Issue 616 - CAGE THE RAGE - interment is new tactic to deal with the animal rights movement...
“What people outside the animal rights movement don’t seem to appreciate is that once these moves have been practised on us, they are expanded to everyone expressing dissent – just look at how PHA injunctions attacked first us, then the peace movement, then the environmentalists and finally the climate camp” - an Animal Rights Legal Advisor

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9th Nov 2007 | Issue 610 - LICENSED TO CULL - Into the valley of DEFRA as badgers face needless extermination in forthcoming badger culls in the southeast of England.

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9th Nov 2007 | Issue 610 - LICENSED TO CULL - Into the valley of DEFRA as badgers face needless extermination in forthcoming badger culls in the southeast of England.

26th Aug 2005 | Issue 509 - ANIMAL PHARM - The Newchurch Guinea Pig Farm - which breeds for vivisection, have announced they would be closing after a six year campaign to close them down is successful...

29th Oct 2004 | Issue 471 - HARASSMENT LIFE SCIENCES - as the 'Protection From Harassment Act’ is used to screw an Animal Rights Protester...

29th Nov 2002 | Issue 383 - GONE TO THE DOGS - Hunt saboteur Steve Christmas is run down by Surrey and Burstow hunt supporter Martin Maynard, causing extensive internal injuries. He is luckily going to be alright, but Maynard escaped with little more than a £75 fine for driving without a license or insurance. It's one rule for the fox hunters, another for the sabs...

30th Jan 2004 | Issue 439 - PRIMATE CHANGE - This week, Cambridge University abandoned plans for a primate vivisection lab in Cambridge, with the University saying that it could not “take financial risks of this magnitude”.